Hoodwinked: Ten Myths Moms Believe & Why We All Need to Knock It Off, by Karen Ehman and Ruth Schwenk

When my son was a toddler I went to one of my friends at church, who had a 7 year old boy, and told her that sometimes (maybe most times) I really had no idea what I was doing. Were my husband and I raising him as we should? Were we doing it right? What were we doing wrong? How could we do it better? She looked at me, nodded and said, "I feel the same way."

Ever since my son was born, I've always asked for advice, I've always sought help, I've always listened and tried to put in practice the sound advice I got. But I still had that nagging voice in my head, that doubting Debbie downer asking, Am I doing it right?; saying, I really have no idea what I'm doing. My son is six years old now, and I still have these doubts. Every time he talks back at me I think, What did I or we do wrong for him to be so disrespectful? I should be a better mom, because a better mom wouldn't have a disrespectful child.

Enter Hoodwinked. I didn't have high expectations when I first began reading this book. The authors sometimes try too hard to be funny and witty. Some of the motherhood myths were not myths for me at all. I thought I wasn't going to be able to relate. But I was wrong. It took me a while to get there, but I did right when I got to chapter 7. Yep, it got me good. Up until that chapter I was going to recommend this book to women thinking about becoming moms, to those who are pregnant and the ones who are just starting now. But Hoodwinked was written with everyone and almost every motherhood problem in mind. The advice given is biblically sound, based strongly on Scripture, always taking us back to God, His mercy, His grace, His plan and purpose for us.

The authors did a great job focusing on what really matters (our relationship with God) and redirecting the readers' attention to our need for God's wisdom and strength when raising our children. Also, exaggerated wittiness aside, the book is written so that you feel as if you were among friends, wise, caring friends. A great book to read before having children or if you're raising your kids right now.

We always have doubts, nagging little voices telling us we don't know what we're doing, or that we are doing it wrong. And it's a good thing, too, because it means we care, it means we want to do our best. But my big take away with this book was this: I am not perfect and I cannot do it all. If that were the case, I wouldn't need God and my son wouldn't need God. Through my imperfections, I pray that my son can see God's grace, mercy, and providence. That gives me peace in this motherhood journey.

4 stars out of 5

Beautiful Reflection

This past Saturday, I went to the store to buy new clothes. I grabbed a few dresses, a shirt and a pair of jeans and went into the fitting room to face the dreaded and unmerciful full length mirrors.

For the first time in a very, very, VERY long time, I saw the reflection of my body and thought it was just beautiful. I loved the curves, I loved the form, I loved its size and I loved its softness. Nothing was firm, or tight, or toned.

My stomach looked kind of full, round even and fluffy, but it bore a child safely and secure for 39 weeks, enduring each strong kick, each swift movement, almost four years ago; a beautiful healthy, happy boy.

My legs and thighs are bigger, rounder and flaccid with the ever presence of some cellulite and a few stretch marks, but they run after a child and with a child every day, whenever he wants to play, and they are the perfect size for when my son hugs them when he's scared. There, he feels secure.

My arms look and feel soft, with no perceivable muscle tone or structure; not at all sculptural. But they hold a child every day. They hug him tight never wanting to let go. They pick him up, they carry him and he trusts they will not let him fall down.

And it's all beautiful. It's all soft, round, fluffy and flaccid, but firm and strong enough to bear a boy, to run after and with a boy, to hold a boy, to play with a boy, to kiss his pain away, to take his hand and make him feel secure, to lift him up and help him reach new and wonderful heights, to tell him each day how much I love him... Most of all, my heart is strong enough to hear him say he loves me back.

So after a very long time, and maybe even for the first time in my life, I looked in the mirror and loved that reflection, and felt content, happy and moved. This is what God has graciously given me: innumerable blessings in the form of a child and because of him.

Oh, that inadequacy feeling!

I am a wife and a mother of a soon to be 3 years old boy. I am also a Christian, and I work outside the home, as a secretary to my sister. My husband and I both work full time, while my mother cares for our son, Ian. It is not what we wanted. Our intention was for me to be a stay at home mom. Our heart was in it, completely in it. Our finances, on the other hand, did not catch up to our hearts on time, and they still haven't, so I have to work. We do not spend what we don't have, we are not given to luxuries or buying things on a whim. My husband simply does not make enough money on his own to pay for our basic needs like mortgage, food, water, electricity, phone. When we had our son, we went through our fiances carefully and studied the possibility of him having a second job because we felt certain that I had to be at home. As it turned out, a second job would mean that my husband had to be outside our home from 5am to 9pm, with no time in between to be with me and our son. We vetoed that, and chose to keep things as they are.

And this is what happens: the more books, articles, blogs and videos I read and watch, the more I am being bombarded with the idea that, as a Christian wife and mom, I should be at home because we are called to be keepers of the house. There was a video where the lady even said that I could be blaspheming the Bible because I am working outside the home. There are a lot, and I mean A LOT, of blogs out there from wives and mothers who insist that we should take that leap of faith because if we do as God says, He will provide. Although the women that say these things think they are encouraging women like me, I've got to say I have never felt more inadequate in my life.

In the eyes of the world (which I actually do not care about at all), I am not living up to my full potential. I am a college graduate who has never worked on her field of study, an underachiever. Yes, to the world, I am insignificant; sometimes, even our clients treat me that way. But that is the world, this comes from people from whom I expect nothing more. Their work is their life, and they measure their worth through their income and job success. That is not me.

However, I have come to realize that in the eyes of many Christians (mostly women), my brethren, my people, I am not living up to my full potential; I am an underachiever. Even women who have been in my shoes treat me that way. To them, I am a blasphemer, I live contrary to the Bible, I don't care enough for my husband or my son, I am not being a good helper, I am not being the mom I need to be, and I am not being the homemaker, the keeper of the house God has called me to be. Yep, definitely inadequate.

So, aside from crying, feeling overwhelmed by this, being sad or depressed, what should I do? Should I quit my job and take that leap of faith? Should my husband take a second job? I'll tell you what I most definitely am not doing: I am NOT reading anymore blog posts about this. I am NOT watching anymore homemaking videos like the ones I have watched. I will NOT read another article on the wonders of being a stay at home mom, and how much more wonderful their kids are because their mom is with them, and how they have never missed a milestone or a kids-say-the-darnest-thing moment because they are always there. Enough of all that. I have realized that I have a much better way to deal with this.

I see myself through the eyes of the Lord. I know God loves me, and has blessed me with a wonderful husband, an amazing son, and a great house. And I am a keeper of my home, even if I am not in my home all day. I take good care of it, clean it, organize it, play with my son in it, enjoy our time together in it. I am a helper to my husband, I cater to his needs, as he does with me. We help each other around the house, and we care for our boy together. We parent our son fully, completely and around the clock. Even if we are not there, Ian fully knows and understands what God and we expect of him and his behavior. We are, in fact, always present in him.

No, I am not the perfect wife, mother and homemaker, but I strive to be great. Do I wish I could stay home? You bet. Would I take "that leap of faith"? Don't think so. What God has given us, we are responsible for. If I were to leave my job, half the things would be left unpaid. Do I trust that God will provide? Oh, yes! Right now, He is very graciously providing through both of our jobs, and it is our hope that one day He will provide only through my husband's job, and I will be able to stay at home. And when that happens, I promise to extend grace and kindness to those who will be facing the very feeling of inadequacy that I have felt in the past few weeks. Thanks be to God for His grace and mercy.

21 Ways to Connect with Your Kids, by Kathi Lipp

Overview (from Goodreads):Parents spend a good chunk of time making sure their kids are okay--they're getting good grades, doing their chores, and doing just enough cleaning that their rooms won't be condemned if the Board of Health happens to drop by. 21 Ways to Connect with Your Kids offers a straightforward, workable plan to create new avenues of connection between parents and their kids. This handy guide coaches moms and dads to do one simple thing each day for three weeks to connect with their kids.

Written in Kathi's warm and compassionate but thought-provoking tone, this book will motivate parents to incorporate great relationship habits into their daily lives and give them confidence that they can connect with their kids even in the midst of busy schedules.

Review: This book was not what I expected at all. I was expecting something more along the lines of 1) Talk to and with your kids, 2) Do stuff together, etc. You know, the usual stuff. But 21 Ways to Connect with Your Kids is packed full with ideas of what to do with and for our children. It's not just "Talk to and with your kids"; it's how to talk to them, when, what to say, how to prepare yourself for it. This book is all about doing. The author draws from her personal experience, as well as the experiences and advise of others to make a great compilation of very good ideas of things to do to connect with our kids. It's a very practical book.

Although there may be many books that fit this description, this one goes further. It is not only about the many things you can do with your children; Mrs. Lipp helps us to custom fit the ideas according to our children's personalities, their likes and dislikes. There is a personality quiz at the beginning of the book to more or less guide us to see which personality best describe our children, and it is a very handy tool for understanding our kids' different needs.

I really liked how candidly and sincerely the author spoke about her own problems connecting with her children. Everyone can identify with her struggles, relate to her, sympathize and know that they are not alone. However, many of the ideas presented here, although very good, are pretty basic and common, so I sometimes felt like it was strange, for example, to receive advise on eating together with my children, since we do so everyday. But if you have a blended family, somewhat detached teenagers, are thinking of starting a family or if you are simply at a lost of what to do with your kids, here you will find good, fun ideas to enjoy each others' company. Yes, some are very basic but I still encourage you to read this book just to see how simple, basic ideas can be given a fun new twist.

4 out of 5 stars.

*I received a copy of this book from Harvest House Publishers through NetGalley in exchange of an honest review.

Manners That Matter for Moms: The Essential Book of Life Skills for Your Kids, by Maralee McKee

Overview (from the Publishers): Corporate trainer and mentor Maralee McKee turns her attention to the home and shares the simple, savvy, and sincere skills kids need in order to flourish in today’s culture.

Skills for each stage of life make this the go-to book for moms with children of any age. Readers will learn how to impart the basic tools that empower kids to relate to others well, as well as…

• gain self-confidence by learning to make conversation pleasant, not painful
• overcome self-doubt by mastering new etiquette for today’s on-the-go, casual, techno-savvy families
• develop the interpersonal skills that will help them become the best version of themselves they can be in any setting

Fun, practical, and thoroughly up-to-date, this manual offers everything moms need to equip their kids to flourish in their relationships.

Review: Author Maralee McKee’s passion (or one of them, anyway) is manners: teaching them, making good use of them, writing about them. Her enthusiasm about manners was, at first, funny to me. I’ve always been laid back, very go-with-the-flow with this type of things. But the author makes a compelling case for good manners, their importance and how easy they are to learn and to teach to our kids.  

Right from the start, I felt at home. I loved the fact that the Forward seemed to be written by a friend in common; like a friend introducing us to her good old friend because she just knows that we will hit it off, and we do. The author begins telling us her story, a very touching story, which made her relatable, made her feel closer and made me want to keep reading. 

If you are like me, you always say please and thank you, always greet people and look them in the eye when speaking with them. Those are the basics, things we are taught from the start. But they are not enough and the author makes that perfectly clear. It’s funny how a book about manners will make you look deeper into your parenting, what you expect of yourself and your children, what you can provide for them to be better persons in the Lord and with those around them. Manners that Matter to Moms does just that. It is a very practical book that not only addresses the need for teaching our children manners, but also speaks to the importance of, as mothers, being the primary manners role model for our kids. 

Never one to use a knife, I always cut my meet using my fork (WHAT!), never put the napkin on my lap while eating (yikes!), I always, always, hang my purse in the back of my chair (oh no!) and never send formal invitations to anything, not even my wedding (my goodness!). It’s terrible, I know. It’s not what I want for my son, and this book has helped me see that and has made me want to change that.

As with any parenting book, I don’t necessarily agree with everything, but as a whole I think it’s a great tool for any household. From saying please and thank you, to how to introduce yourself and others, to the correct behavior when eating anywhere, there is a great lesson to be learn here: in all our relationships, dealings and conversations we should always be polite, pleasant and present. 

4 out of 5 stars

*I received a copy of this book from Harvest House Publishers through NetGalley in exchange of an honest review.

Beyond Bath Time: Embracing Motherhood as a Sacred Role, by Erin Davis

Overview (from NetGalley): Motherhood is under attack. Nearly one in five American women ends her childbearing years without having borne a child, compared with one in ten in 1970. In 2007, among Christians, 47% felt that the roles of marriage and motherhood should not be emphasized for women. And unfortunately, the church isn't talking about why motherhood matters, nor is it equipping young mothers to see their family as a mission field. Erin Davis was a young Christian wife who had made the decision to not have children. She had multiple degrees, a great husband, a promising career -- she had it all -- at least according to cultural standards. But most days she felt anything but fulfilled. In Beyond Bath Time Erin shares her journey to the place of true fulfillment in responding to the call of motherhood. Women will be challenged, convicted, and wonderfully encouraged by Erin's honest and provocative look at motherhood and its divine call.

Review: Excellent, amazing and life altering. Some will say it's radical; others will say it's extremely traditional. I'll guarantee this: you will certainly have an opinion about it. Here is this book, completely unassuming, with a little rubber duckie in the cover, and you think "Aw, how cute!", and then it hits you, and hits you hard. This book will challenge your views about motherhood, about your priorities and about your mission in life. But you have to read it with an open mind and an open heart because, you see, here's a book that doesn't treat motherhood as a choice but as a calling; it doesn't call children a burden but a blessing; it doesn't focus on the trivial, daily stuff but on the things that are eternal. It's a parenting book focused on the things that matter most: the importance God gives to motherhood, and the biblical responsibility we, as mothers, have with our children and seeing them as our mission field.

It is very well written; funny, poignant, very much to the point without making any excuses, with sound, biblical teachings. It's a call to arms to all Christian mothers and mothers-to-be. It is not perfect, but the few glitches it has are minimal. It, however, does a great job in challenging you to take a good look at motherhood, really, a good look; see what you think about it, what the world thinks about it; and now see it through God's eyes. There is a big difference.

5 out of 5 stars

*I received a copy of this book from Moody Publishers through NetGalley in exchange of an honest review.

MOMumental: Adventures in the Messy Art of Raising a Family, by Jennifer Grant

Overview (from NetGalley): MOMumental is a foray into the enormously amusing, creative, and taxing process of raising a family and a starkly honest memoir that mothers everywhere can identify with. With narrative that is chock-full of humorous, poignant stories drawn from her everyday adventures as a mother and wife, Grant presents an entertaining and inspirational book that will give readers uncommon insights about being an intentional parent.

Review: First of all, what's great —no, wonderful— about this book: mothers everywhere will feel in good company. The book begins by confirming the fact that we, as mothers, all go through the same things: the same experiences, the same self-doubts, the same moments of exasperation, tiredness, and loneliness, and the same moments when we all think that we are the only ones who have a child misbehaving, disobeying, waking up at night, talking back... and well, you can fill in the blanks. It is a great book that offers solidarity and hope. "We all go through it" and "Don't worry, it gets better" are wonderful, encouraging phrases we need to hear, and the author not only tells us, but shows us, through her own experiences raising her 4 children, that this is true. That just because your toddler laughs when somebody falls down doesn't mean he or she will grow up to be an insensitive adult, or just because your toddler lies to you today doesn't mean he or she will grow up to be a pathological liar. That is great. You've probably heard it before, but in this book you will see proof of it, great examples, stories, that will definitely put your mind at ease. It's like talking to a good friend, sharing your doubts and worries with a friend who has gone through it and can offer you advice.

However, I thought that, although the book was certainly funny at times, it wasn't as funny as the author and her editors thought it would be. You know how it is when you tell a cute, funny story about your kid only to realize midway through that maybe it was funny to you because it's your kid? Or that maybe you had to be there to really "get it"? That's exactly how I felt when reading some of her stories. Sometimes it felt like walking in on an inside joke. Also, I thought it was too long, a few chapters too long, which made it repetitive.

But all in all, it is a good parenting book, with good advice and personal stories. I did not agree with quite a few things, but those things and approaches I agreed with will be put to the test with my son soon enough.

3 out of 5 stars

*I received a copy of this book from Worthy Publishing through NetGalley in exchange of an honest review.

Good times of parenting

Raising a 2 year old is definitely challenging and stressful. While it's true that my husband and I spend every available moment together with our son and we enjoy it and wouldn't change that for anything, and we think our son is the most precious, wonderful and beautiful boy, it's also true that he is stubborn, willful and quite often disobeys. Now, Ian is very bright (like the kids his age are nowadays, as you may have notice), so he understands very well what we say to him and what we mean when we tell him not to do something, but he goes out of his way to do it anyway. He sometimes even calls me, and when I look at him, he brazenly does exactly what I just told him not to do, challenging me and my orders. What are we, as parents, supposed to do? Laugh it up? Dismiss it as part of the "terrible twos" phase? Discipline him?
We choose to discipline, but to do it right. I mean, if I'm being sincere I have to admit that sometimes we fail, sometimes we let our exhaustion (from work, house shores, etc) get the better of us and one of two things happen: 1) we give up and let him do whatever it is he wants (terrible, I know) or 2) we over-scold him (terrible, awful, yes I know). "But he is only 2!", you find yourself screaming at your computer trying to get through to me, to insist that he is a child acting like a normal child. And yes, he is. But no, we should not dismiss this "normal" behavior as "just a child being a child". What happens when he hits us in public (he doesn't, just an example of what he is capable of doing)? Or spits? Or yells at us? Or throws a tantrum? If he is capable of understanding us, he is capable of following our simple order which is to "do as mommy or daddy says".
Now, what goes through his mind when he disobeys? Exactly what goes through ours when we do the same thing: he is putting his needs or wants first. And there are two great books that can help deal with that:

Shepherding a Child's Heart, by Tedd Tripp

Don't Make Me Count to Three, by Ginger Plowman

Both books will give you sound, biblical advice on how to raise your children, but it doesn't mean that you have to follow literally what they say. This is a problem I see whenever I read the reviews for this type of books. No, you will not necessarily agree with everything, but you do take away lots of great things, great insight and very good advice. We don't follow what these books say literally, but we have now a better understanding of what goes on in Ian's mind when he disobeys and what are good, biblical ways to approach this.

So what will we do the next time Ian goes out of his way to do whatever he wants and knows it's wrong? (Bear in mind, this will happen any second now.) We will make sure he understands his wrongdoing, reprimand him and love him even more. That's what makes parenting such a good time to have with your child.